Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
