Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
