Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
