She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
