is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
