They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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