All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
