in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
