You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
