i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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