By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
