I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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