I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
