Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
