You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
