I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
