I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
