First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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