I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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