whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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