Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
