thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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