if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
