trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
