I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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