do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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