I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
