At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
