buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
