Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
