After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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