If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
