I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
