i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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