the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
