Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
