Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
