we're chasing vodka with high fives
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
