Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize