I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
