its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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