Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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