Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
