her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Someone shit on the floor
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
