It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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