tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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