I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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