He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
