I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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