I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
