The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
