i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
