I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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