I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i was born a porn star she said
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
