uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
