i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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