brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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