Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
