Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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