You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
