Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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