that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
