Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i dont even know how to be here
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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