Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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