to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
