Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
