Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
