Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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